Gone

"It's really difficult to locate the avenue of gain when you're being chauffeured by loss.*" -Lil C

So my summer is slowly falling apart.
Everything I gained in June is leaving me.
&Everything I wanted to happen never did.

They always say not to hope too much, and you'll never be disappointed. Maybe I should've listened this time. I usually don't hope for much for just that reason, so that I will never be disappointed. But I guess this summer was different --I thought everything was going so well and so damn perfect that nothing bad could happen. Turns out I was wrong. I don't know how or why this stuff happened except that maybe it's too hard to keep up what was going on at that time it was all going right. I've just been left so disappointed and frustrated that nothing is working out. I'm mad that everyone else is satisfied with their outcome, or at least has come to accept it. I hate how I'm so stressed out and confused by so many different people, and to top it off, there's the homework I've been avoiding too.

So before this past week, I couldn't wait for Monday to come for a certain reason. But now that everything has happened, including more than my certain reason, I just want to get awayyy. I want to go live in the fcking Motel 6 in S.R. for five days. I need to have no worries and to just let all my time go. I need time to just forget about everything for a while.

I want to go back. Back to June.
Back to when I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world.
I wish I could do it all over again and make it even better.
But I guess that's being too greedy, right?

Life in a co-ed environment is a lot more stressful than I remembered.


If I could do it over again, I'd tell you something I've never told anyone else before.

*Full quote: "It's really difficult to locate the avenue of gain when you're being chauffeured by loss. And I think every opportunity is one step closer to perpetual evolution." -Lil C